Countless studies have shown that “lack of commitment” is the leading cause of divorce in the United States. And according to the National Library of Medicine, 66% of men and 74% of women think their partners should have worked harder to save the marriage. 75% of marriages that end in divorce can be saved if the couple puts in the effort to fix themselves and fix their marriage. The sad statistics of lost love have a direct correlation to individuals who refused to put in the work and heal. Knowing yourself personally is something that needs to happen at every stage of life. Without knowing yourself you’ll never fully know your partner. And if we don’t show up as the best versions of ourselves, we can never expect our partners to show up as their best selves. As we move through life we inevitably collect insecurities, traumas, and habits that may be detrimental to relationships. They may be conscious or unconscious, but when both partners work on fixing the damaged parts of themselves, amazing things happen in relationships.  The Inner-Self We are ever evolving creatures and with that comes constant reevaluation. Going back to the basics of relearning who you are and how you have evolved over time is so important. The process of self discovery can be different for everyone. Reflecting on your characteristics, shadow traits, goals, and  desires are a great place to start. Psychologists say that the illumination of our daimon (or ”true self”) is the ultimate goal of self-discovery. The “true self” is defined as “the central inner force common to all human beings and yet unique to each, which is the deep source of growth… [that is] free, healthy development in accordance with the potentials of one’s generic and individual nature.” Discovering your inner-self requires a lot of authentic self-awareness; it’s a demanding yet rewarding process. Here are some great methods to debunk your evolving inner self.  The Shadow-Self Now that you have discovered your inner-self, it is important that you address your shadow-self. Your shadow typically refers to parts of yourself (traits, emotions, thoughts, etc.) that are difficult to accept. It is believed that we all have parts of ourselves that we were forced to repress due to judgements and life experiences. These reactions can happen consciously or unconsciously, but most people don’t even know they have a shadow. In your marriage, your shadow can be perceived as repressed emotions, unconscious projection, and can often trigger emotional reactions and patterns in relationships that stem from past experiences or traumas. Your inner-shadow is an important concept to be aware of, especially in marriage. Embracing our shadow traits can be a challenging, but ultimately valuable process for personal growth, self-acceptance, and a healthy marriage. By shining a light on these unconscious aspects of the self and engaging in self-reflection and mutual exploration, individuals can cultivate healthier, more fulfilling relationships. Here are some tips on how to heal your shadow:  Healing your inner-self and your shadow-self will have a profound impact on your marriage. It will directly influence how you interact with your partner and show up in your marriage. Healing involves in depth self-reflection, which can deepen your understanding of your own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Greater self-awareness allows you to recognize patterns or triggers that may contribute to conflict or tension in your marriage. Healing past traumas and unresolved conflicts through therapy, self-help practices, or personal growth work, you can break free from old patterns and cultivate a healthier dynamic with your partner. Through your healing journey you will expand your ability to communicate, you will discover forgiveness, and you will build your emotional resilience. As you heal and grow individually, it can reignite a sense of commitment, passion, and intimacy in your marriage. Healing yourself can be transformative not only for your personal well-being but also for the health and vitality of your marriage. By investing in your own growth and healing, you create the conditions for a more fulfilling and harmonious partnership with your partner.

We were dating for about a week at this point and we haven’t stopped talking about how we complete each other. We thought, perhaps soulmates. We discussed the idea of knowing each other in past lives. I described him to my friends as the “male version of me” and he suggested we get matching puzzle piece tattoos. We were snuggled up on the couch one night, scrolling on one phone when we came across a speech given by Aristophanes in Plato’s philosophical text, “The Symposium.” According to Aristophanes’ myth, the original humans were beings with four arms, four legs, and a single head with two faces. These beings were incredibly powerful and posed a threat to the gods. Fearing their power, Zeus, the king of the gods, decided to weaken them by cutting them in half. This separation left each half with two arms, two legs, and one face. After being split, each half longed for its other half, seeking to reunite to regain its original form and wholeness. This longing for completeness, according to Aristophanes, is the origin of love and the human desire for connection and unity. As we silently read along together, we both had an ah ha moment. We finally found the two arms, two legs, and the face that we’ve been missing for nearly thirty years. We regained our original form and the bliss of wholeness was something we’ve never experienced before. We continued reading.  Eros, is the god of love, who plays a central role in the concept of humans seeking their other halves. Eros represents the force of love and desire that drives individuals to seek connection and unity with others. Eros embodies the powerful desire for reunion and the pursuit of one’s other half, symbolizing the human quest for love and completeness. Eros is the starting point in the journey towards the highest forms of love. Without Eros we would have no beginning, now we can embark on one of the purest journeys the universe has to offer.

A holistic approach to boosting libido involves hormonal, physical, emotional, and physiological factors.  Everyone’s libido is unique, and what works for one person may not work for another. It’s essential to approach the issue with patience, understanding, and a willingness to explore different strategies. 

January 1, 2023. I journaled for hours on the beach in Jamaica. I proclaimed that I will make it through the new year unaccompanied. I set my transformative goals that by no means included getting married.  January 31, 2023. Exactly thirty days later, I met the man that gently disturbed these plans.  January 31, 2024. Exactly one year after meeting the man that accompanied me through all the things I intended to do solo. The man that embraced my transformation goals as his own. The man that cried with me while we healed together. The man that empowered me to embrace all the things that make me, me. Exactly one year later and this man is now my husband.  We celebrated today. We ate sushi just like we did at this time last year, only we were single and had no clue that we would only make it through one month of the new year, single. This year we made a conscious decision to go into the new year as a married couple.  January 1, 2024. I married the love of my life.